Lewyn Addresses America

To the tune of “They Like Ike” (from Call Me Madam)

The presidential year will soon be drawing near
The people soon will choose their fav’rite son
I wonder what they’ll do in 2024
Will Trump or Biden run Washington?

But there’s Mike

Pompeo’s a man of the Right

Unlike them

He’ll cut spending and bomb Tehran

But Donny won’t get out

Mike’s in for plenty of fights

Donny won’t get out

He’s got squatters rights

For nearly fifteen years

Isolationists had the people’s cheers

So Russia and China continue to advance

Americans could arrange

To make a sudden change

But none’s around who seems to have the chance

But there’s Mike

Pompeo will take the tyrants out

If voters see Mike

They’ll know he isn’t kidding

But Donny won’t consent

He’ll get a sock in the jaw

A president who doesn’t appease?

That’s against the law!

If its Mike

Your Chief can go on a hike

And conservatives

Will see he doesn’t tarry

Please don’t to that to Donny!

But they like Mike

They won’t take John Bolton

And DeSantis is going down

The same is true for Haley and for Hutch

And Romney’s right in line

With William Jennings Bryan

There isn’t anyone but Trump that we can run

But there’s Mike

And Mike is good on a mike

So there’s a chance

That Mike will make it

But Biden’s still around

And should Republicans win

When they come around

He won’t let them in

Against Mike

Biden can bet on his Mike

And his things

A moving van will carry

They can’t do that to Biden

But they like Mike…

To the Tune of “The Sacred War” (Russian WW 2 song)

Unite, my fellow Americans

Its time for fighting now

Against the red fascist hordes

Of Beijing and Moscow  

Only Mike Pompeo

Is willing to fight more

Only he has the resolve

To win the new Cold War

For fifteen long years

Under Obama and under Trump

Under Biden and Kamala

Appeasement has triumphed

From Kiev to Kabul  

America has been on the run

If you don’t want to speak Chinese

Send Mike to Washington

To the tune of “I’m a Good Old Rebel“

Nikki Haley’s a Reagan Republican

That’s just what she am

For populism and unions she does not give a damn

She’ll cut taxes and spending

She’s not a Biden man

She’ll fight Iran and Russia

Until America’s won

And she’ll stand up for Israel

As long as there’s a sun

She supports democracy

She’s not a MAGA man

She’ll govern like the Gipper

And not Victor Orban

She’s a Reagan Republican

And that’s just what she am

To the tune of Ca Ira

Oh, Kamala! Kamala! Kamala!

Worthy heir to Biden and Obama

Oh Kamala! Kamala! Kamala!

Our first Black woman President

She’s a bit liberal but not too far left

She can unite Democrats

Oh Kamala! Kamala! Kamala!

Stood up to Republicans in the Senate

Oh Kamala! Kamala! Kamala!

A Democrat who can fight and win

She was a DA who can put away bad guys

Crime went down when she was in charge

(first 4 lines again)

Normally I try to avoid fascist songs because I feel like more people will be offended by them. But for Trump (who I think sort of has a fascist-ish streak, to put it nicely) I think I’ll make an exception. I think using actual Nazi music would go too far, but maybe comparing him to Marshal Petain (the French colloborator) would be a little less extreme. So I tried to see if I could do something about Trump to the tune of a pro-Petain song:

In 2016 a political tornado

Rises from the Rust Belt

And the Midwest and South intoxicated
said “its time for Trump”

All your supporters who love you
And honor your years,
They hear your call,
And say “MAGA’ for Trump!

President Trump , here we are!
Before you, America’s saviour,
We swear, your MAGA men

To serve and to follow you again

You gave us hope

 that old industry will be reborn

So President Trump, because of this

We are agaub yours!

By giving us your life,
And making liberals squirm,
You can make American great again

In your second term

President Trump , here we are!
Before you, America’s saviour,
We swear, your MAGA men To serve and follow you again!

I realize Charlie Baker (the outgoing Republican governor of Mass.) probably isn’t running and is too moderate to get nominated anyhow, but I just thought I’d make something out of the 18th-c. Scottish political song “Wha’ll be king but Charlie?

For twenty years the Republicans

Have been losing or barely winning

But Charlie Baker of Massachusetts

Always wins bigly

From east to west

Around him gather

Start working for him early

Make him the nominee

Cause who can win but Charlie?

From east to west

Around him gather

Not Ronald, not Donald, come all together

And crown your next nominee

Cause who can win but Charlie?

There’s been some talk about John Bolton (a foreign policy appointee under Bush and Trump) running for President. To a greater extent than most possible candidates, he has a discernible ideology beyond being a generic R/D: he is a very strong hawk and in particular a supporter of bombing Iran. So I thought I’d start something to the tune of Marching through Georgia:

We’ve had 16 yrs of isolationists in power;

and Russia and Iran get more power every hour,

So let’s the neocons back

to kick the fascists out,

Its time for President John Bolton!

Hurrah, hurrah, we’ll bring the jubilee!

Hurrah, hurrah the flag that makes you free!

So our troops will sing from Tehran to the sea,

while we are taking out the mullahs!

In North Tehran and Qom they’ll sing with joyful tears,

When they see the U.S. flag they had not seen for years!

Hardly could they be restrained from breaking forth in cheers!
While we are taking out the mullahs!

Hurrah! Hurrah! We bring the jubilee!
Hurrah! Hurrah! The flag that makes you free!
From Tehran to Kiev, from Qom to Kharkiv,

We’ll fight with President Bolton!

I also thought of an Irish war song that fits:

In two thousand and twenty one

the forces of Putin

To take the blue and yellow out bombarded Kiev town

But if Bolton is President

Russia’s huns will be forced to earn their pay

And the Russians

will lightning run

from the air force of the U.S.A.

Putin’s Islamofascists in Iran

laid Syria on the rack

In Iraq and in Israel

they supported terrorist attacks

that bombed mosques and synagogues

in their own heroic way

But the mullahs will

like lightning run

from the air force of the USA!’

Biden’s appeal is that he’s a generic Democrat, so I decided to combine Biden with Democrats generally, borrowing from a Jamiacan political song:

Forward, Biden Forward!

Forward Democrats!
Forward Biden, Forward

To another victory!

Protect the West from Putin

And clean the air and seas,

Forward Biden Forward Biden

To another victory!

Bringing back jobs after COVID is what we need today

Biden’s the chosen vessel to do it come what may

He’s strong fit and ready to lead us every day

Like Clinton and Obama, like Roosevelt and LBJ

Forward, Biden Forward!

Forward Democrats!
Forward Biden, Forward

To another victory!

For someone with an impressive record in Republican primaries, songs about monarchs and autocrats feel right.

My first, based on We Will Elect You Bashar

Ask the voters of Georgia

Who is the governor you like

All the swing voters proclaim its Brian Kemp

No one wins like Brian Kemp

Trump picked a man to run against him

A former Senator, a heavyweight

Kemp beat him 3-1

No one wins like Brian Kemp!

The Democrats ran a celebrity

Stacy Abrams, a national star

Kemp beat her like a drum

No one wins like Brian Kemp!

Ticket splitters, Never Trumpers

Regular Republicans hand in hand

All unite to beat Biden

No one wins like Brian Kemp!

For a second song I used the tune of Federicus Rex (a song about Frederick the Great)

Ask the people down in Georgia

Who is the governor you want

Ticket splitters say Brian Kemp is our man!

He wins in the summer and he wins in the fall

If you nominate him he’ll make the south a Big Red Wall

Donald Trump tried to beat him

A former senator Trump put up

But he lost 3-1 to Brian Kemp

In most Republican primaries Trump’s word is law

But when he got into Georgia

Brian beat him like a drum

In the fall Democrats ran Stacey Abrams

A national star who is known east to west

She’d almost won four years earlier

Dems thought she was the best

But after four years of Kemp

Ticket splitters saw he was the best

He can win in November

Even against the strongest foe

If you want to get back the White House

It’s the time for Brian Kemp

He wins in the summer and he wins in the fall

If you nominate him he will make the South a Big Red Wall

For a dark horse who deserves more attention, I chose the tune from the German Communist song Thalmanlied:

Voice of the Granite State

Republicans, look to a dark horse

There’s another candidate we should call

He ran 11 pts ahead of Trump

He can beat Biden in the fall

Gov Sununu of New Hampshire

Voice of The Granite State

A strong fiscal conservative

Cutting spending and tax rates

While Trump raised spending and debt

Sununu moved to the Right

Cutting taxes on business

Vetoing a new payroll tax

Sununu of New Hampshire

Voice of The Granite State

A strong fiscal conservative

Cutting spending and tax rates

Some talk of Larry Hogan

Who Maryland adequately led

But this man has no coattails

While Sununu turned the state house red (and the Senate)

Sununu of New Hampshire

Voice of The Granite State

A strong fiscal conservative

Cutting spending and tax rates

Some talk of DeSantis

But Florida’s already red

Sununu won in New Hampshire

Where Republicans have been left for dead

Gov Sununu of New Hampshire

Voice of The Granite State

A strong fiscal conservative

Cutting spending and tax rates

I was trying to think of something laid back for this laid-back, uncharismatic candidate. I’m starting with the tune of the British Grenadiers:

Republicans talk of Trump while others prefer Liz Cheney

Or Ron DeSantis or maybe Nikki Haley

But of the possible candidates, no one make as much sense

As our last Vice President, Michael R. Pence

He has White House experience

And he has quiet dignity

And if you want a pro-life conservative

There are none as pro-life as he

So if you want social conservatism

And also experience

There is none who fits the bill

Like Michael R. Pence